just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize