Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
