Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
