I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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