He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
