i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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