worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize