Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
its not stalking. its research.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
