I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize