I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
