The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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