so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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