i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
