Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
