I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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