If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
