When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
