I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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