At least make sure they are 18
Why
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
