I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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