my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
