its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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