i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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