i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize