She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Success! We fucked roommates!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
