I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
