he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
