Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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