Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize