you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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