at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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