4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
