on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
