Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Congratulations! We have a period
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize