i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
