He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
