her vagine was all disorganized.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
