and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
