If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
