Buhtt sex?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's official drugs can't kill me
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
