so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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