how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
