Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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