it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
