She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
