home. puking in laundry basket.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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