Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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