i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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