I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
