my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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