And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize