I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
