Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
