I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You are a genius and a whore.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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