you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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