you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
