I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
