I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He shit in the fireplace
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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