There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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