You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
