im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize