i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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