i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
