I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
