why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
