I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
