You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
