the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
