I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
