so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
