I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
