Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
