She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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