She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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