Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
